After I Sent the Manuscript to the Publisher…

This is a summary of my past four-month’s efforts.

From April to July, I kept myself crazy busy. I was working on one book manuscript, two journal papers, jobs/internships searching, interviews, research proposals, visiting scholar applications, summer courses, and two skill training. I sometimes enjoyed these planned life but almost felt exhausted.

Until at the late night of 28 July, I sent the book manuscript to the publisher which I have promised but failed to submit in time. The above arrangements at hand ended temporarily. I can breaths deeply while a new plan for August and the Fall term is on the way.

Therefore, I start to feel lost. I cannot help asking myself what I am pursuing for. Is it staying in Canada? Being a PhD? Polishing my resume? Or, it is just showing a perfect/excellent me to my parents, friends, classmates, and ex-boyfriends? At this point, I recognize the weakness of my character.

I never yield. I set goals at different periods, and they become higher and higher gradually. Like a ladder without end, the current goal is built on the previous one, and the current one leads to the next one. Thus, I met ample failures, rejections, and hardships. The most serious one was the days when I was immersed in the rejection for half year.

Since negative emotions are so distracting and harmful, one effective solution is returning to comfort zone. I have been challenging myself for a long while. Since 2009, I left my hometown alone to study in a bigger city where everything is strange. Then, I chose to stay in Taiwan that imposed discrimination rather than backing home. Now I in fact live in my dream country for an uncertain future. Everything is nice here but I bear much more pressures. In other words, comfort zone means less pressures, more familiar environment, and mediocre routine.

Backing to comfort zone or staying in dream place alone turns to a problem after I submitted the manuscript. I would like to wait for a while to give an answer.